You are my humanity
by EmaSomerhalder
Summary: What happens after Elena wakes up as a vampire, will she complete the transition? Who is she going to choose?
1. Chapter 1 You're alive

Chapter 1 – You're alive

"You're telling me she is turning?" I looked mad at Meredith. "You shouldn't have done that. You ruined her life…" I was so mad.

I never wanted this curse for her. I never wanted her to turn into a vampire. Even though I and Stefan wanted to have her for eternity none of us wanted her to turn. We both hated being vampires.

"You weren't here, Stefan wasn't here, Alaric is running his own show and Jeremy was alone with her. What? I should've let her die?"

"Where is she? I have to see her. I have to see her." I knew she was going to be sad and mad with the entire world. I knew Meredith never meant something bad, but I knew Elena was going to hate her.

And it was incredibly unbelievable. Elena a vampire? She hated when Caroline turned, she hated the thought that we couldn't live a normal life being vampires. She hated me for feeding on humans. But, if only Stefan fed on human blood he could've saved her.

I didn't even know how it happened. Meredith only told me she drowned as Matt's car fell from the Wickery Bridge.

"Where is Stefan?" I asked Meredith.

"He brought her here and said he had to get Jeremy. He should be back by now. Alaric is dead?" She asked me.

"Yeah, he is… He died in my arms." I said more calmly. "I watched him die and I thought of how he was my only friend, I thought of Elena dying."

"Where is she?" Jeremy yelled.

"Stefan, I have to tell you something." Meredith said.

"Yeah…Jeremy, you have a vampire sister." Damon looked mad at Meredith.

"What?" Both Stefan and Jeremy said together both being shocked.

"How? She was dead when I pulled her body out of the water?" Stefan said just a little bit excited Elena was alive.

"No, no…She can't be a vampire." Jeremy was even more shocked than I was or than Stefan was.

"I am sorry. She was worse than I told you. I lied. I gave her vampire blood to heal faster since you two weren't here."

"One of us should've stayed." Stefan whispered.

"No, you should've saved her, brother!" I yelled. "You could've saved her, but no…Tell me what happened exactly."

"She didn't want to be saved. Rebekah broke the deal since Klaus is dead and she was in the middle of the bridge. Matt drove and Elena asked for his phone. He didn't see her and when he did it was late."

"And you couldn't just get her out of the water?"

"She didn't let me, Damon. She wanted me to save Matt."

"Right and you are so obedient like always. Great, your obedience just gave you a vampire girlfriend. Go ahead. She chose you. Go and see you." I pushed him.

"Hey, fighting we are not gonna resolve a thing. You two have to help Elena now, control and stuff."

"Go first, Jeremy." Meredith said.

"I can't. I don't know what to tell her. I…" Tears came from Jeremy's eyes.

"I will come with you." Matt said appearing in the hall way of the hospital.

"You shouldn't be up." Meredith said.

"What? You gave him vampire blood too?" I yelled madly at her.

"Hey, she just saved her. If she didn't give her the blood Elena would be dead." Jeremy said.

"Well, I prefer her dead! I don't want her to go through all the stuff the two of has been through. It's a fucking eternity that is not worth living."

Jeremy and Matt entered Elena's room when Meredith showed them where it was.

"I could've saved her!" I kicked the wall. "Why didn't I let you drop Klaus's body?"

"It's my fault, Damon. It's my fault."

"Yes, it is!" I yelled at him. "And she still chose you. She still chose to love you and not say goodbye to me."

Jeremy and Matt came out of the room fast.

"She's crying and I don't know what to do. She won't say a word." Jeremy said crying.

"It will be okay." Stefan said to Jeremy.

"No, it won't!" Matt yelled. "She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve to live like this."

"Hey, hey….Shut up, lost boy. You think we don't know that?" I said as I saw Stefan enter Elena's room.

I was so confused. I didn't know what to do. I could just cry. I didn't know what was happening to me. I couldn't do a thing.

I saw Stefan enter the room and he ran to hug me.

"I am sorry." He whispered crying. "I am sorry."

"I am changing, right?" I asked him. "You gave me your blood? Or was it Damon? It couldn't be him, he's far."

"He's here, but no…It was Meredith. Your bleeding was worse than she told and she gave you vampire blood to heal you."

"I hate her. I hate her!" I yelled.

"Hey, hey…Calm down. Please, calm down. Everything will be fine. I will help you. I promise."

"How can you help me when after 160 years you still can't control the urge for blood? How can you? Leave me alone. Leave!" I yelled. "Get out, Stefan!"

"Elena…" He touched my face and I pushed him away.

"Go, Stefan. I don't want to complete the transition."

He got out of the room without a word more.

I didn't want to complete the transition. I didn't want to be a vampire. I didn't want a misery of eternity. Damon controlled his urge, but Damon was different. I was nothing like him. I could never control. I was like Stefan, I guess that's why I loved Stefan, because we were similar.

"Get out!" I yelled as the door opened, but then I saw Damon enter and then I just looked at him. "You're alive!" It was great to see him. Since I thought I'd never see him again I was excited to see him.


	2. Chapter 2 I remember

Chapter 2 – I remember

"Stefan is alive, so it's obvious I am too. Apparently, Klaus lied. I could've saved you. I am sorry, Elena. We never wanted this for you. Never." He looked me with his deep blue eyes.

"Is Alaric dead?" I asked.

"Yeah…Jeremy talked to his ghost. Apparently, Ric said he will always watch over you, that you'll never be alone and stuff like that."

"Damon, I don't want to be a vampire."

"You think I do? I like you human. I love you human, but no matter what you choose…" He stopped.

"I don't want to be a vampire…But, from other said I can't leave Jeremy alone with all the craziness. I can't lose you and Stefan. I can't."

"You've made your choice, Elena. I was going to leave anyway. I promised Stefan I would leave if you choose him and since you did…"

"No, no…Please, Damon." I cried. "Please, don't leave."

"Why did you do it? You could've get out of the car. You could've survived."

"I did it for you, Damon." I whispered crying and I looked at my hands that played with the sheet over me embarrassed a little bit. "Alaric was going to kill you and I couldn't lose you."

"Your life is more precious than mine, Elena. I am a vampire. Who cares? A vampire more, a vampire less."

"I do care, Damon. I told you I care about you. Please, don't leave."

"Elena…" He whispered as I was frozen and as I stopped talking and crying.

I could see him, Damon, a mystery guy thinking I was Katherine and I could see myself telling him I got in a fight with my boyfriend Matt. I saw him, the same old Damon, the same Damon as always. I saw him telling me that I needed and wanted love that consumes me, that I wanted adventure and danger and passion. I saw how he compelled me to find everything I looked for, I saw how he compelled me to forget just because he didn't want people to know he was in town. Then I saw my parents picking me up and the same accident, my parents dying. I saw Stefan compelling me to forget he saved me.

"I met you first. I met you before Stefan." She whispered.

_If I only met you first._ That was what I said to him on the phone when I was saying goodbye to him.

"You remembered…" He looked around just avoiding to look at me.

"Why did you compel me? Maybe…maybe I could've been happy with you. Maybe I didn't have to meet Stefan and get in all the craziness."

"You're a doppelganger, Elena, you are the craziness. And just to remind you, I am a vampire too. Stefan is not the only one."

"If you want me so much, why couldn't you just kiss me then, have me there?"

"I thought Katherine was more important then. I thought… I was stupid, okay? I was stupid, Elena."

I closed my eyes as another flash came in my head. He came in my room to give me my necklace. Before giving it to me, he said he loved me, but that he didn't deserve me, he thought he was worthless, he said Stefan deserves me. He kissed my forehead softly. And he whispered how he wished I didn't have to forget this, but then said that I had to forget it.

"Again…" He whispered. "In your room, right?" He asked me.

"How do you know?"

"I remember every single word you said, every single talk we had, Elena, I love you, for God's sake."

"You are not selfish."

"Yes, I am, Elena. I think only about myself. I don't care about the others. I am no good. Since you've already chosen…just…stay there."

"You are not selfish. What you said there…That you didn't deserve me, but that Stefan did. You saved me thousand times, you saved the people I care about. That's not being selfish."

"Come on…Let's take you home." He grabbed me in his arms. "Meredith said we could take you home. And..anyway…nobody really cares what she says?"

"Damon, I don't want to lose anyone, but I don't want to be a vampire."

"I know…I know, Elena. You will just have to decide."

"Always deciding something. I hate having to decide. And I always end up choosing wrong. Always…No matter what I do."

"Come here…" He said as he picked me up from the bed. "We have to get you out of here fast. There's a lot of blood in here."

I got out of the room in Damon's arms. Stefan smiled at me, but Damon didn't give me a chance to give him some kind of expression since he just kept on walking out of the hospital.

He put me in his car and I saw how Jeremy and Stefan entered the car.

"You're staying at the boarding house for a while. We can protect you more if you two are there." Stefan explained.

"There's nothing you have to protect me from anymore. I am changing, Stefan." I said slowly.

"We have to get her some blood." Stefan said to Damon.

"Don't worry, little bro. There is blood at home. And…She hasn't decided what she'll do yet."

"What? You thought of the possibility of dying, Elena?" Jeremy asked me afraid and I hurt the pain in his voice. "Aren't you going to do something?" He yelled at Stefan and Damon. "Just…make her drink… You always did that. Be violent one more time and make her change."

"I can't let her hate me for an eternity, Jeremy. I love her." He whispered the last sentence like not wanting me to hear it, but knowing I was there to hear it.

"Elena, please, tell me you are going to turn."

"I don't want to be a vampire, Jer. I don't want to live this way. I truly don't." I cried looking out on the road.

"What about me? I am not even 18. I need a legal guardian now that Ric is really dead. What will happen with me if you die."

"Damon…He can be your guardian." I looked towards Damon.

"What? Sorry, Elena, but I have it enough with one that is under 18." He was thinking of Stefan.

"Well…He's 162, Damon. Please."

"Do something..." Jeremy said.

"Don't you see? I am doing my best not to let her die…" Damon said to Jeremy. "I am trying to make her stay."

"Elena…Please…I don't control it really, but Caroline controls the urge pretty good….She can help you…And Damon. You can practice with him too." Stefan suggested with his voice shaking.


End file.
